Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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