Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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