Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
