She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
As shirtless as possible
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
