So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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