The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
