im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
