One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
