she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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