He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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