I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
