I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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