shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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