I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
