I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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