I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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