the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
