I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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