I wish I only lived at night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
