perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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