I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
