Pappa wants mamma naked
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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