im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
