So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Randomize
