the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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