I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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