i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
