so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
