I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
