it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
