It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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