Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
