i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
