Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
