we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Randomize
