I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
