I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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