I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
