I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
