So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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