Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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