I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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