I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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