i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
