my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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