i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
