Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
