you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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