Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
