i permit you to call me
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize