I just threw up on my dentist
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
