Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
