fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
