I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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