if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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