His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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