I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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