i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
