Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
