a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize