Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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