Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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