if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
