I think I died a long time ago.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
