one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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