Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
