one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
