God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
