Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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