YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
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Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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