Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
